Day 20: Jesus Saw Potential in Others

Day 20: Jesus saw potential in others and so can I!

Love notes to my kids and husband!

Day 15: Jesus Worshipped through Song

Day 15: Jesus worshipped through song and so can I!

SONG

I sat in the temple in anguish. Confusion and doubt pulsed out of my heart, racing upward, seeking audience with the Heavens and seemed to stop short at the high ceiling. They rained back on me like falling tears.

Why are there no answers? I clutched my chest and bowed my head. Please hear my prayers. Please at least send comfort!

The large room furnished with comfortable couches and chairs, most occupied by reverent, peaceful looking people, felt empty. I was empty. The drive home was somber. No answer. No comfort.

Looking for distraction, I pulled up Facebook in the five minutes I had before picking up my kindergartner. The first thing I saw was this post by Hillary Weeks. It was the only post I saw that day. (Please be sure to read her words below the video)



She posted for me. FOR ME. Why did God not answer my pleading in the temple? Why did He instead use another person? And Why in the world did He use Facebook? 

I don't know. It was painful to feel abandoned. It was lonely, confusing, scary. But this experience was not without grace. And learning. And increased understanding. 

Perhaps He wanted me to know what it feels like to not receive answers, even in the temple. Perhaps He wanted to remind me that "God does notice us, and he watches over us. But it is usually through another person that he meets our needs." (Pres. Kimball) 

What I learned most of all though, is that HE KNOWS ME. He knows me enough to speak my language, and sometimes speak to me through Facebook. He knows me enough to know music would touch me in a way that would penetrate directly to my heart, which has direct access to my Spirit. He knows I would be able to listen to this song over and over and remember. Remember the pleading, the loneliness, the answer and the Love! He knows me!

Though some of my questions are still unanswered, my Faith in God, His plan for His children and His Love, will not waver. Not Ever. 

I am so grateful for prayers, answered and unanswered. I am so grateful for song.

And thank you, Hillary Weeks, for following the prompting of the Spirit. Your post and song continue to bless my life to this day. 

Also:
This is one of my favorite Sunday (really any day) songs by my good friend, Christine Comstock.

Also: 
Here is another blog post I wrote for Segullah that has to do with music. 

Day 14: Jesus Taught Us to Clothe the Naked

Day 14: Jesus taught us to clothes the naked and you can help!

Going through boxes of clothes, looking for things to donate. five kids go through A LOT of clothes. 

Day 13: Jesus Showed Humility

Humility

I was feeling so good today. Good about myself.

 I held the Flash Donation Drive yesterday for socks for the homeless as part of Light The World: Jesus helped other to walk. I had just purchased lots of socks with the monetary donations that came in and then went to the Dollar store to buy some small gifts for Santa's Store for HashBrown's first grade class. 

I was on a roll. I was Lighting the World all over the place. Might as well name an electrical company after me! I stood in line, the warmth of service coursing through my bones, an easy smile on my face. I looked behind me and saw a woman, her back to me. With one hand, she was putting loads of fun party decor and prizes on the conveyor belt. Her other hand balanced heavily on a walking cane. 

Looks like a fun party, I thought. And I almost said it out loud but I didn't. She was focused on getting her things out of her shopping cart her, she was turned away from me and I was plain shy. 

Just as I turned my back on her, an older woman, hunched over her cart for support, got in line behind the both of us. Not a minute passed before she began helping the woman directly behind me. 

"Looks like you need some help," the older woman said, one hand grasping her own cart for balance while the other hand helped transfer items to the conveyor belt. "I know what its like to not be able to move around so well," 

I looked down at my two hands and the hands of my two daughter. Six hands all together and not one of them helped the woman behind us. Instead, two women who needed help just to walk, helped each other, one hand each. 

Talk about humility. 

Please God, grant me the eyes to see and the humility to do something about it. 

A lesson learned indeed.

Another quick story about Forgiveness:

I've had to ask for forgiveness more than a few times in my life. There are probably more times where I should have but haven't. It is humbling. To stand before a person I have wronged, knowing that I've hurt their feelings or done them harm. Knowing I am the cause of pain, doubt, frustration or heart-ache. 

I am grateful for the ability to ask forgiveness. For me, as hard as it is, apologizing and asking forgiveness is a salve to the wound, like applying lotion to dry, cracked skin. It heals. It seeps into the crevices of hurt and pain, guilt and sorrow, and fills those spaces with soothing, healing grace.

Many decades ago, when my sister and I were in college, I made a decision that I felt was best for my own wants and needs. I was so focused on myself, I didn't stop for a second to think about how it would affect my roommate sister. I didn't realize until years later, how my decision impacted her and hurt her.  When I finally realized how what I did hurt her, I was too ashamed to talk about it. It was never addressed. Much to her credit, my sister somehow managed to not hate me for it.

Fast forward to several years ago, my sister was visiting with her husband and two adorable girls. I took the opportunity to sit her down and apologize. It was long overdue. We will still have the painful memories. It still hurts. But it serves as a reminder now, for me to be less selfish and more thoughtful.  I don't know why that's so hard for me. Truly one of my greatest weaknesses.

Most importantly, we are able to move forward now without the binding fetters of the unforgiven between us.I know this is only my side of the story and I'm sure her side is much more sensitive and deep with tender experiences I don't even know about. But I'd like to think that we are both free now to develop a better, stronger relationship with each other.

Day 12: Jesus Taught Others

Day 12: Jesus Taught Others and So Can I

THANK YOU to all the awesome teachers I know who teach everyday! I admire you greatly!

Mondays are my day to volunteer in this little guy's classroom at school! Its so fun to get to know the children in his class while reading with them individually. 

Also, a shout out to some friends who have taught me so much!

These are two of the most generous people I know. I could fill pages with examples of their kindness. Here's just one: Every year they host a neighborhood food drive in lieu of neighborhood gifts. We fill their truck with canned goods and they fill our bellies with hot chocolate, donuts and BYU brownies. Truly they have TAUGHT me the true love of CHRIST!

Day 11: Jesus Ministered to Children

Day 11: Jesus Taught the Children and So Can I

I pulled out the wheat grinder this morning. When the kids saw the result, they were Amazed!

"Did you just make Your OWN Flour?"

I didn't realize they didn't know flour comes from ground wheat. 

It's the little things!

I also got to sub in Primary, which was super fun. 

Day 10: Jesus Helped People to Walk

Day #10 Jesus helped people to walk and so can I.

We did a sock donation drive and it turned out awesome. We got money and sock donations and delivered them to the Road Home.

Day 9: Jesus Visited the Lonely

I let the kids invite as many friends as they wanted over today. 

No one was lonely at our house. And when they were all getting rowdy and noisy, I had them visit our older neighbors, the Herrera's, and deliver our Christmas present. A poinsettia. 

I love visiting the Herrera's. I haven't done it much lately, since school started. But I sure love it. And Sterling is always attentive and good to go over for a visit often.

To some, the Herrera's may seem lonely, in their 80's and less mobile than they used to be. But I always come away from their visits feeling uplifted, loved and enlightened as they share stories from their past. Visiting them has been a blessing in my life and the lives of my children. 

God bless the dear lonely Herrera's-- who are really not that lonely. 

Day 8: Jesus Prayed for Others

For today, I found this personal story from David Archuleta and found it so touching, I've decided I want to share and leave it at that for today.

Day 7: Jesus Fed the Hungry

We are loving the Light the World project at our house, but I must admit, its not always at the top of my thinking list. Most of my time is spent thinking about the necessities of keeping our household running. And trying my hardest to make it run smoothly. So often the Light the World focus of the day catches me off guard. Today was one of those days.

Feed the hungry. 

Well, I do that everyday, to my own 5 kids and husband. But what could I do more? And what could I have my children do without much prep? Then I remembered the 4 boxes of candy canes. Surely they had hungry friends at school who would love a candy cane! Who doesn't love a candy cane?

Each equipped with a box of candy canes and the directive to try and give at least some of them to someone who needs a friend or an extra pick me up, they were off to school.

I also tried to go a little more traditional and I made a double batch of Supper on a Breadstick for dinner. I texted a couple of people who might need a meal and neither responded. But just as I was packing up the extra dinner to put in the fridge, one of the people called and said they would love to have some dinner so we took it right over. Funny how my best laid plan seemed to go awry but then worked out anyway. Sometimes we just never know when and how we can best serve. I guess the lesson there is that preparation pays off. 

Day 6: Jesus Read the Scriptures

A testimony and witness of the blessing of scriptures:

I tend to worry. The 'what-if's of the unknown future set up office space in my head and play endless hours of reel-to-reel footage of all the possible scenarios for my worries. Most of them are less than ideal. Scary, miserable, worst-case scenarios.

One night, those worries collided with several late nights and little sleep, teenagers, all kinds of personal and outside expectations and social stress. I could go into detail but it would put you to sleep. The kind of sleep I wasn't getting at the time.

I was tired. My shoulders drooped, tired of carrying the weight in my heart and mind. I stood in front of an open refrigerator, unable to think of one single thing to serve my family for dinner. 

Tired.
Empty.
Heavy.

All evening, worries played leap-frog through my head. avoiding any effort to focus and find solutions. Just a constant reminder that things were not OK and out of my control. Sleep was impossible.

In the middle of the night, antsy with anxiety, I quietly grabbed my scriptures and tip-toed to the front room. In the yellow glow of the lamp, I pulled the ribbon bookmark, slid it up the page and began to read where I had left off a few days before. 

Alma preaching repentance to the Lamanites.

I closed the book and opened it again.

Mormon cries repentance to the Nephites.

I closed the book. 

Why? Why does this happen every single time? Every time I turn to the scriptures for answers, I read verses about repentance.  I already know I need to repent. I always need to repent. That's a given and I guess I needed the reminder.

But tonight I desperately needed answers, comfort, peace, direction. Muttering a quick, verbal prayer, I tried one more time.

Heavenly Father, hear my prayer. I cannot do this. It is too heavy. I don't know how.

My eyes opened to find this verse.

Peace and light flowed into my being and filled me so full it poured out of me in tears. I am a covenant daughter of God. The covenants I have made with God are much more binding than words and deed, promise and action. Those covenants bind me to God and God to me in such a way that my burdens may be light, even that I cannot feel them. 

God does visit his people in their afflictions. 
All their afflictions. 
In all their varieties. 
I am a witness of that truth. 
The scriptures are a witness of that truth.

Day 5: Jesus Healed the Sick

Sometimes it seems as though things have been prepared in advance. I don't think that's a consequence. God is the master designer, choreography every detail. And if we are prayer and willing and take action, he allows us to be an active part in his plan. 

Camille made cookie dough a few days ago but didn't want to actually bake the cookies. She just had a hankering for the dough. Anyway, she put the dough in the freezer and forgot about it - until today. 

Today she and Rachel pulled out the dough, added some mini chocolate chips and made a big batch of cookies. Enough for us and to share. So Camille, Rachel and Bryce loaded up two plates, put on our winter coats and headed out to deliver the cookies to families who had medical needs for their young children. 
(The funnest part of this for me was to see the look of surprise on the families' faces. And also the look of joy on the faces of my own kids.)

  

Day 4: Jesus Worshipped His Father

Today was fast Sunday. 

We worshipped our Heavenly Father by fasting. All three older children fasted. Knowing today's Light the World focus was worshipping Heavenly Father, our fast was a little more focused and consequently, a little easier. 

Camille worshipped her Heavenly Father by bearing her testimony.

We worshipped our Heavenly Father by staying after sacrament meeting to pick up the garbage in the pews and put away the hymn books in the overflow.  

We worshipped our Heavenly Father by listening to reverent music. 

Day 3: Jesus Helped Others to See

I spent much of the day thinking about how implement this service into my life.

And then I received this text.

One of my greatest weaknesses, besides being selfishly self-focused (I wish I was exaggerating) is being very insecure. I always feel like I'm doing things wrong and often feel emotionally paralyzed. The text above came right in the middle of a moment when I was berating myself for not being able to make a decision because I couldn't form my own opinion and felt completely lost. 
Let me repeat. Right in the middle of that moment, the text came. 
Truly God speaks to me through others. Especially good friends who know me but more importantly, who know God. 

I also received these notes. (A second note followed at a later date but I included it here anyway.) I can't express how much it touches my heart to receive notes like this. Why, oh why, don't I do this more!!!! (Mental note: make this a goal next year!!! starting now though)

And then I knew what I could do to help others to see. I sent out several texts to friends I love and told them strengths I saw in them. It opened my heart to new love and appreciation for the people in my life and their strengths and gifts that lift and influence those around them. 

I don't know if their eyes were opened, but mine sure were.

Day 2: Jesus Honored His Parents

The kids have been so kind today. Lots of love and hugs. Even though I know they are doing it because it is the service goal today, I'm soaking it in. I can never get enough, coerced or not. 

Today I drove out to visit my parents and went Christmas shopping with my mom. She is amazing. She's strong. She's compassionate. I'll write more about her on Day 17.

I could go on and on about my parents and parenting in general but that would be better suited for a separate post(s). So a short list will have to suffice.

Here are a few things I admire about my parents:- 

They love their kids. Each one of them, despite failings and weakness, ours and theirs. I have always felt as a priority in their life. As a parent myself now, I realize that nurturing those feelings of love, value and priority in a child is not as easy as it sounds. It may be for some but not for my selfish self. 

I appreciate and love that my parents have made our family home a refuge. A place I can go and feel loved, accepted, forgiven and strong. Its a place of foundation. They built their home and family on the strong foundation of the gospel. And even though some don't stand on that same foundation on their own anymore, they know where they can go to find it when they need it. They just have to go home.

And they have raised us to get along, to care about each other and enjoy being together. We are all different children but gosh, I love each of my siblings and their spouses and I love being with them. I know that has something to do with my parents and the environment they create. We are not perfect. That's for sure. And we have our spats and quarrels, but there's something to be said for the influence of righteous, loving parent.

And that's what I have! Love you mom and dad!

Day 1: Jesus Lifted Others Burdens

Although I was ahead of the game, introducing Light the World to our family, the first day took me by surprise. I had nothing planned.

Nothing. 

For anyone who knows me as well as I know myself, this is no surprise. 

We had scripture study and prayed. Please help us Light the World today! We watched the short video clip on Mormon.org.

And then I saw two pads of Post-Its on the kitchen counter and the Spirit whispered to me something we could do. 

I grabbed a sharpie marker and the kids helped me think of kind, uplifting thoughts to write down. 

The kids took those to school and secretly put them on desks and lockers at the Elementary school and Middle school. Each one a tiny pinprick of light. 

Once again, I bring my well-intentioned two loaves, as meager as they are, in this case, two stacks of Post-Its, and God tells me how to use it to serve Him. He can always make more of my life than I can on my own. 

Light the World

I am so excited for the Light the World initiative this year. We introduced it to our family at Family Home Evening by watching some of the videos the church had provided.



Then we talked about light and dark and how just one point of light can dispell darkness.
If each member of our family did one act of service in a day, sharing one point of light, that would be seven points of light. 
If each of us did one act of service for seven days, that would be 35 points of light.
If we serviced every day until Christmas, that would be 175 points of light! If we did more than one act of service, it would be even more!

And that's just our family. Think about our neighbors. Our ward. All around our city, state, country.

The church is inviting families all over the WORLD to participate in this event. That is A LOT of Light world wide. Imagine being able to see that from a distance. From Heavenly Father's perspective. What an amazing opportunity we have.

At this point the kids were really excited to jump on board and participate. So I gave them each a journal I had printed off with daily ideas and we hung the calendar up that Elder Bednar talked about.  

The fire's been lit and the children have a Light in their eyes as we prepare as a family to join with others to Light the World this Christmas season!