Humility
I was feeling so good today. Good about myself.
I held the Flash Donation Drive yesterday for socks for the
homeless as part of Light The World: Jesus helped other to walk. I had just
purchased lots of socks with the monetary donations that came in and then went
to the Dollar store to buy some small gifts for Santa's Store for HashBrown's
first grade class.
I was on a roll. I was Lighting the World all over the place.
Might as well name an electrical company after me! I stood in line, the warmth
of service coursing through my bones, an easy smile on my face. I looked behind
me and saw a woman, her back to me. With one hand, she was putting loads of fun
party decor and prizes on the conveyor belt. Her other hand balanced heavily on
a walking cane.
Looks like a fun party, I thought. And I almost said it out loud but I didn't. She was
focused on getting her things out of her shopping cart her, she was turned away from me
and I was plain shy.
Just as I turned my back on her, an older woman, hunched over
her cart for support, got in line behind the both of us. Not a minute passed
before she began helping the woman directly behind me.
"Looks like you need some help," the older woman said,
one hand grasping her own cart for balance while the other hand helped transfer
items to the conveyor belt. "I know what its like to not be able to move
around so well,"
I looked down at my two hands and the hands of my two daughter.
Six hands all together and not one of them helped the woman behind us. Instead,
two women who needed help just to walk, helped each other, one hand each.
Talk about humility.
Please God, grant me the eyes to see and the humility to do
something about it.
A lesson learned indeed.
Another quick story about Forgiveness:
I've had to ask for forgiveness more than a few times in my life.
There are probably more times where I should have but haven't. It is humbling.
To stand before a person I have wronged, knowing that I've hurt their feelings
or done them harm. Knowing I am the cause of pain, doubt, frustration or
heart-ache.
I am grateful for the ability to ask forgiveness. For me, as hard
as it is, apologizing and asking forgiveness is a salve to the wound, like
applying lotion to dry, cracked skin. It heals. It seeps into the crevices of
hurt and pain, guilt and sorrow, and fills those spaces with soothing, healing
grace.
Many decades ago, when my sister and I were in college, I made a decision that I felt was best
for my own wants and needs. I was so focused on myself, I didn't stop for a
second to think about how it would affect my roommate sister. I didn't realize
until years later, how my decision impacted her and hurt her. When I
finally realized how what I did hurt her, I was too ashamed to talk about it.
It was never addressed. Much to her credit, my sister somehow managed to not
hate me for it.
Fast forward to several years ago, my sister was visiting with her
husband and two adorable girls. I took the opportunity to sit her down and
apologize. It was long overdue. We will still have the painful memories. It
still hurts. But it serves as a reminder now, for me to be less selfish and
more thoughtful. I don't know why that's so hard for me. Truly one of my
greatest weaknesses.
Most importantly, we are able to move forward now without the
binding fetters of the unforgiven between us.I know this is only my side of the
story and I'm sure her side is much more sensitive and deep with tender
experiences I don't even know about. But I'd like to think that we are both free now to develop a better, stronger relationship with each other.
